Britney Spears Has A Shaved Head & A New Tattoo

Honestly, with a headline like that, I don't think there's much more to say.

But why do I care? I don't... except that all of this happened not much more than 500 feet from my backdoor.

See, when I came home tonight, there were twenty to thirty photographers lurking in the alley across from my garage door. I soon found out they were paparazzi stalking Ms. Brit who was inside the slightly tattered buzz-parlor known as "Body + Soul."

Hey, a celebutard right in my backyard. Literally.

I decided to take a look. Who cares if the hot turkey melt I just picked-up from the Mel's Diner would be reduced to a congealed mess of gouda on cold poultry meat? I smelled a story... and I JUST HAD to be an investigative reporter for my readership.



I went around to the front of the place, and was quickly engulfed by a mob of nearly a hundred twenty-somethings. But, LOOK! There she is! I spotted my quarry: a now bald-headed, trash talking, newly inked mother-of-two. Ooops, she just did it again.

Who the hell is watching after the kids while Mama is running around without panties or hair??!!??

Ah, hell... at least the new 'do has Brit's carpet matching her drapes. If you know what I mean.

With her wrist newly etched with a pair of red lips, and a completely cut down pate, she definitely looks like the type that would man the drive-thru next to Kevin whats-his-name on the fry machine* (*please review the Federline Super Bowl commercial if you're having a tough time following the line of thought here). Maybe she was celebrating her one day of sobriety after her short -- but successful? -- stint in rehab.



Bottom line? Well, let's just say I don't quite understand people that still wonder why home values are slipping here in the 'hood...